Hi everyone.

I will set up a redirector or something eventually.  I have no idea how to do that.

But for now.  If you come here, could you go there Not Now Nancy where it is all now happening.

It doesn’t happen here anymore.

This is old.  There is new xx

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Three Good Things

It has taken me 31 years and a hell of a lot of bruises, quite literally, for me to learn what I want out of life.  You ready for it?

To cook, to write and to love.

Three very simple things.  Three good things.  Three things that I do NOT do enough of right now.

Ok so I cook every day.  Every bloody day if I am honest.  But it isn’t REAL cooking.  It’s the kind of cooking where I have to squeeze it in because I am busy running round like a maniac trying to earn money to sustain a life I don’t really enjoy.  I get up to a chorus of “WHAT’S FOR BREAKFAST?” and it seems the majority of my day is spent worrying about what I have lying around for children, dogs and cats to eat.  So I cook.  But it is a demanded cooking.  A required cooking.  A constant, consistent nag kind of cooking.

I write, but not often enough.  I have about 3 books in my head.  I have words and wisdoms dancing on my fingertips waiting for me to share them with the world but instead I am a slave to my house, my credit card bills my over indulgent lifestyle full of cars and toys and business that I have created and collected over the years that I have come to despise and I have started to resent even though they are of my own doing.

And love?  Love so far has been the cruelest of all the things in my life.  I can’t really blame anyone else for that.  I think I have been the meanest of all those that have hurt my heart.  Because I am the one that lets it go again.  Each time it comes home and I heal it.  I patch up its cuts and soothe its bruises and make it strong and beautiful and great.  Then I dump it back out in the middle of a bull ring and say “See ya! Have fun”

I was questioning today if I had the strength to do that to my heart anymore.  Or the desire even?  It’s tired.  I’m tired.  You know when you finally think you have found something good and then you remember how you have had that feeling before and ended up getting shot in the face, kicked in the guts, chewed up, spat out and swept out into the gutter.  Today I am asking myself.  Can I?  Could I?  Should I?

At the moment my heart is screaming to me “I’m Scared” I have NEVER felt scared of love in my life before.  Not once.  Why now?  And now I am left with the decision of whether I carry on and risk my heart getting destroyed.  Again.  Or if I give it a cuddle and carry it away from its fears.  But if I do that?  What if I lose what we have been fighting for all these years?

Even Norman doesn’t know what to do.  And he is usually quite vocal about these things.  Its like I am looking at Norman for guidance and he has his nose over his newspaper and he is shrugging at me saying “I dunno, you decide”

I keep thinking of that Meatloaf song.  Two Outta Three Aint Bad.  And I keep asking myself, should I give up on love and just focus on Two Good Things? Cooking and Writing?  But then I see Hugh Curley-Wurly-Whatsisface and there he is telling me about “Ham, Egg, Chips” and “Tomato, Mozzarella, Basil” and I think NO Meatloaf.  Two outta Three isn’t bad, but it isn’t perfect.

For now I am just going to concentrate on the cooking and the writing and let the love thing work itself out.

And go and meet Sue and Dawn and get drunk.







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A Plea …… Come on Twitter!!

Men.  Big tough beautiful stunning MEN.  I love them, we all know that.  And maybe this was a big attraction when a Major from the British Army approached me about Mission Motorsport.

I have written about Jim Cameron – said Major – for The Huffington Post.  So I won’t go on about what a fantastic, GORGEOUS and brilliant human being he is because, quite honestly, he is told this far too often and I think it’s going to his head.

What I want to do is to tell you WHY Mission Motorsport still engulfs my heart and has held my passionate support for so long.  AND WHY I really need your help to HELP THEM.  They have been made it through to the final five in Automotive PR’s Twitter Charity competition.  Which see’s the winner take £13,000 worth of PR consultancy.  Something that is SO important to Mission Motorsport.

The basics of the charity are this.  Mission Motorsport take injured troops (serving or veteran) and rehabilitate them through Motorsport.  The Charities tag line says all you need to know really “Race.  Retrain.  Recover”

Servicemen are used to high stress situations.  Adrenalin.  Excitement.  Danger.  They are used to working as a team.  Organising.  Delegating.  Taking Orders.  They are strong logistical planners.  They hold fantastic communication skills.  They are – of course – pretty damn good in the security sector.

When a serviceman goes through ‘resettlement’ back into civi street, they lose the pressures and the excitement, the adrenalin that their position gave them.  I have always thought life must look so dull to someone who is used to traveling the world and risking their lives for our country.  For our injured troops, whether physical injuries or PTSD, it must be almost impossible to find ways of bringing back some of what drives them whilst serving.

Motorsport is such a fantastic platform to help with the rehabilitation of these men and women.  The essence of motor racing is this drive a machine that could kill you as fast as you can without letting it kill you.  Beat the opposition.  Work as a family, a team.  This is why it is so attractive.  It has so many components that cross over from the services.  NO – before you even go there – I am not suggesting that what our racing drivers do in F1 or WTCC is comparable to what the men and women protecting our country do, but the adrenalin that comes from it IS comparable.  And that is part of what our injured troops NEED.

Since Mission Motorsport has started it has had a wealth of success stories.  The fun element of the charity – of course – is that it takes its beneficiaries racing all over the world.  It has completed in Brit Car 24, sent 3 lads out as part of Derek Bells team in the Lemans Classic.  But it is the vocational side that is MOST important.  The charity has opened up many vocational placements within huge companies such as Bentley.  But it’s main objective, and one it now is achieving fantastically, was always to create JOBS for these service men.  To help retrain and to finally help recover.  Mission Motorsport can now boast Aston Martin Racing in the WEC as one of these companies employing it’s beneficiaries.

During my time with the charity I have seen the full spectrum of how it works.  I have seen it working.  There are guys I work with today whose stories make me cry.  To see them so happy but to have known when they appeared on the Mission Motorsport radar they were lost.  Some with families on the brink of falling apart.  And that through what the charity is doing – and of course a HELL of a lot of support in other organisations such as Tedworth House and Help 4 Heroes – these families are STILL together, happy.  Found.  To see that makes me feel so utterly at peace.  In fact I would say I have gained so much peace in my life from the charity.  My problems seem insignificant and less impossible.  I draw strength from what I have seen.  And I now have an indestructible attitude.  Nothing is impossible and there are A LOT of very good people in this world.

The people behind Mission Motorsport.  The Directors.  The employees.  The volunteers. The Monkeys – (Follow them on twitter and you’ll understand) These people the most wonderful, funny, inspiring, fantastic and compassionate collection of idiots I have ever met.  They are MY family.  Jim, Rich, Sue, Aunty Mo.  Everyone.

These guys have given ME so much.  From laughs to faith to confidence and so much more.  And if I can give them a tenth of what they and their beneficiaries have added to my life then I would be happy.  This is why I am pleading with you all to help me by voting for Mission Motorsport in the Automotive PR competition.

It isn’t hard.  You simply have to tweet something like this ” I VOTE for @missionmotorspt in the @automotivepr #tweetcharity because …… “

Please do it.  Please.  Because this charity really IS making a difference and changing lives of so many people.  Even people like ME who didn’t think they needed much changing and then realised what an utter moron they were.


For more information about the charity the website can be found here.  Mission Motorsport are always looking for help, donations – whether financial or material – and support.

If you think you can help contact sp@missionmotorsport.org

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Equally Right or Wrong?

I get fed up with Twitter.  It is impossible to explain yourself entirely via 140 characters.  So, here we are.

Equality.  Its a touchy subject.  It is.  And it’s a confusing one.

You see I would say that I am not a feminist.  I ought to be one right? I mean I am a woman working in what COULD be described as a mans world.  It isn’t, just so you know, It’s just a job I do and a career I have.  The word Feminist sends shivers down my spine.  Drum bangers who are fighting the good cause for women when they really aren’t entirely sure about WHY or WHAT they are fighting for.  Women who are perfectly happy to put men down (this is complete sexism but men choose to not go on about it) and to destroy the wonderful breed of Gentlemen.  So few of these men exist now.  I am greeted in bars mainly by men who think the phrase “You are a lovely voluptuous young thing” whilst grabbing a boob is going to get them straight into my bed.  Long gone seems the phrase ‘woo’ GOD, I would loved to be wooed.  But how can I be?  When all we seem to fight for is equality and in all honestly WHY should men open doors for US and treat us like women IF we are going to bash them for treating us differently at every opportunity.

So, I don’t call myself a Feminist I call myself a Realist.  A Realist that believes in Equal Rights.  For me, a Realist is someone who actually gets what it’s all about.   We should all have the RIGHT to be equal.  I think that is what the original feminists wanted.  The RIGHT to equal pay, the RIGHT to vote, the RIGHT to become, lets be topical, an F1 driver.  We should all have the same rights, no matter what sex we are.  There should be no gender superiority.  A man’s VOTE is not more valid than a woman’s.  A man working in advertising should NOT be paid more than a woman.  Of course this works both ways.  Men and Women have the same rights.  End of story.

I think we can ALL agree on that.  We have the right to be equal.

But, and here is the rub, does than mean we are ABLE of being equal.  I aim this at MEN too.  Are MEN really equal to women in certain areas?  We have to generalise here a bit, I am afraid.  But are men as suited to nurturing as women.  Do they have the natural INSTINCT to nurture in built? Is it natural for a woman to cast aside someone else’s feelings for her own gain.  Neither of those things are impossible.  But they aren’t natural.

I am going to focus on the current debate of female drivers in F1.  Something that is close to my heart.  I often think about how COOL it would be to see a woman in F1.  Suzie Woolf has been billed as The Fastest Woman on Earth.  She isn’t, by the way.  She really isn’t.  She is a racing driver and she is a woman but THAT’S IT.  In fact, as a friend just pointed out, she has only scored 4 points in DTM across seven seasons.  And all of those were in 2010.  And so, whilst she has the RIGHT to be what she wants is she ABLE to be what she wants?  Does she have the mental strength to do it?  Has Sir Stirling Moss just made a valid point BADLY? (This is another thing men do.  They can be a bit clumsy when delivering thoughts like this)

WHAT makes a great F1 driver?  (Can we remember too we are discussing F1.  Just F1.  Not DTM or GP2 or another series.  F1.  Because F1 drivers are a different breed to any of the others.  They have to be.)

A great racing driver is someone who believes they can win.  And will set out with the purpose of winning.  To be in F1 you have got to believe you can be THE BEST in the world.  That you can WIN.  Or at least compete.  Racing drivers don’t enter a race to ‘make up the numbers’ and if they do, then already they don’t have the mindset to compete in F1.  Male or Female.

Look at some of the current world champions. All AMAZING drivers.  ALL bringing something incredible to F1.  All with personality traits that helped them BECOME F1 Champions.

Alonso – Christ he is a good driver. But, well, he IS a winging old cry baby who finds Massa an inferior moron and isn’t afraid to tell him.  Schumacher – A legend.  But also a dirty cheat happy to park his car in his rivals way to take a win.  I still like him.  Raikkenin – The coolest driver on the track but taking cold, focussed and direct to the extreme and Vettel – 100% talent but also 100% DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE when racing.

These drivers are under huge pressure at all times NOT to let any emotion show on and off track.  A crack of emotion and and you have had it.  From the Media, the other teams, the drivers if they see your weakness you are STUFFED.  They are also under pressure to work closely, socialise, be part of the F1 family, and then stab each other in the back.  EVEN their own team mates.  See Webber and Vettels latest dispute.  Whether you agree with what Vettel did to Webber or not it is one of the reasons that VETTEL is a three times world champion and Webber is not.  Because Webber is a gentleman.  And there is no room for that in F1 anymore.  Not on the track.  And this is also why there is no room for women drivers in F1.

By our very nature men and women are different.  We are BOTH strong.  But we are strong in different ways.  Emotionally women are VERY strong.  We have to be because we are SO emotional.  We love.  We nurture.  We care. We support.  We fight.  We do all these things because we are women.  And used in the right way – these are the things that make us SUCCEED.  In general women cry as a coping mechanism.  It helps us deal with the bigger picture.  Its is part of our emotional strength.  We are passionate but with passion and emotion comes a kind of irrationality.  This isn’t a bash at women.  All of the above are what make women AMAZING. Beautiful. It is what has got us THROUGH the incredible sexism that we had to get through. When we want something we go for it.  But we don’t like to HURT people and whilst some of us are capable of it – I have done and I still do to a degree – we are left feeling guilty afterwards.  It hurts to be unkind.  Women are mothers.  We are built to BE mothers.  And we should be proud of that.

Men are VERY good at putting emotion to the side and dealing with fact.  They are VERY strong physically.  But when a man cries it is normally because he CANNOT cope.  Because he hasn’t dealt with his emotion.  A mans strength is built through his physical strength and ability to cut off emotion.  He protects.  He provides.  He defends.  He fights.  He also knows that he can tread on another man because that man would have no issue treading on him. And if there was an issue then they would sort it with man facts, shake hands and move on.  This happens a lot in F1.  Look at Alonso and Hamilton.

Both sexes do these things in different ways and BOTH ways are equally as important.

I think there should be MORE women in F1.  Working to OUR strengths.  The Driver isn’t the TOP of the team. He is simply one part of it.  The role is better suited to the natural strengths of a man and as it is important for the driver to be the VERY VERY best, teams have to use THE very best option.  I really believe that was Stirling Moss said – in a very old school kinda sexist WAY – was that it is unnatural for a woman to possess the mindset, the coldness, the SCREW EVERYONE ELSE attitude that you need to win in F1.

I do think that women could be better F1 testers than men.  Because they are SO tuned into the finer details.  They are better at communicating.  They are great at gelling a team together.  I think women COULD be better engineers than men if more of them actually realised what a fascinating field this is.  Any job where you don’t have to accept orders to shit on your mates.  Great examples of women doing this are Monisha Kaltenborn, Team Principle of Sauber F1 and, whilst it isn’t F1, Leena Gade, chief engineer at Audi who has won Lemans 24 hours in 2010 and 2012.  These roles PLAY to a woman’s natural strengths.

This whole argument is so stupid.  Feminists should be fighting for our RIGHTS.  I think we do have the RIGHT to be racing drivers.  I just don’t think its very likely we will ever find one that is cold enough to make it as an F1 driver.

And that in itself WOMEN, is something to be very very proud of.  When will we stop trying to be like men and JUST realise that we are PERFECT without doing the blue team jobs*.

I await a million crazy women to miss the point of this entirely and leave irate comments about how sexist I am.  Which I am not.  At all.

*Blue Team Jobs = Putting out the bin.  Unblocking drains.  Cleaning bird shit off stuff.  All jobs we have the right to do, but you know, we just shouldn’t.

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THE SPIN ALLEY: Comic Relieved? You Miserable Gits

Sure, a lot has been written about Comic relief over the last few days BUT lets look at the Great British public and their relationship with the event.

Jesus Christ some of you are miserable bastards aren’t you. Seriously take a good look at yourself. We are, of course, not addressing you all. If you couldn’t donate or do something to raise money, maybe you couldn’t be funny for money because you aren’t at ALL funny for example, then it’s fine. No. We are talking to YOU the miserable moaning old shit bags that took to twitter COMPLAINING about Comic Relief and uttering the words ‘Charity Starts At Home’ Continues…….



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THE SPIN ALLEY: Cleggochio

Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has been making a lot of noises since the Eastleigh saga that the party DOES stand a chance of winning an election in the future. Even though there has been a lot of talk to suggest Lib Dem ended any serious standing in parliament when they became part of the ConDemnation party.  Continues ……. 

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THE SPIN ALLEY: Oooh La La Ferrari

It’s March and the motoring industry is going MAD.  It can only mean one thing.  The 83rd InternationalMotorshow of Geneva.  This is probably the biggest deal as far as new car unveils go. Motoring journalists and bloggers have been tantalised for MONTHS about the next big offerings from the most luxurious brands.

Sounds exciting doesn’t it.  Well, its not.  Its stupid.  Continues …..

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